I have been meaning to talk about the idea of sincerity in Buddhism and the impact sincere prayer has on actual proof, if any.
I have had a few experiences on the topic, some of which I am going to be sharing now.
At various points in my life, I have found that I was at odds with someone. My relationship with a certain person, be it a member of my family, or a member of the SGI, or someone I would work or study with, would be strained or completely broken. I am an incredibly forgiving person, so it was usually the other person who would decide not to have a positive relationship with me, not the other way round. As I will mention in a post on changing karma, that would also often be connected with my “left-out” karma.
Here I am, back from the land of the dead, AKA writer's block.
Lately, I have been doing a lot (and I do mean A LOT) of Buddhist activity and lots of other things, which means that I haven't had the time, or the head, to write anything on here, which made for a very poor start for 2013.
This will change. Has changed.
So, I wanted to talk about something that doesn't happen often enough (at least to me): a New Year's Resolution that is actually being carried through.
I know, shocking.
Only, it was my LAST YEAR'S New Year resolution, which my HoY read out in assembly in front of an entire cohort of Y8 students. Harumph:
"To take my bellydancing seriously"
So, after having to shamefully admit in front of said cohort of Y8 students that, no, I indeed had not taken it seriously, I began thinking about it. And then, amazingly, I started doing something about it.
Why amazingly? Read on.
One of the most interesting aspects of Buddhist life is the altar. I personally find someone’s altar one of the best ways to get to know aspects of a person, as the Buddhist altar generally reflects the character of its owner.
For a period of time, my parents had an altar each, and I would do my gongyo and daimoku in front of whichever of the two was free. Comparing the altars meant comparing my parents.
My dad’s altar was always dusty, the fruit was changed very rarely and often became really old and sometimes even moldy, his candle-holders were old and broken.
My father is not a particularly tidy person himself, doesn’t care about appearance and is happy to use old, even broken things as long as they serve the purpose.
My mother’s altar was always clean and sparkly, every object was chosen with care and the disposition was changed often. However, only the bell had been bought in a Buddhist shop, everything else was intended for another use but she liked to use it for her altar. Her fruit was always fresh and the incense holder emptied often. It was beautiful, as everything my mother touches.
My mother, obviously, is a very tidy person who likes surrounding herself with beautiful objects, is very creative and gives new life to old things by re-vamping them and using them in unexpected ways.
I probably hit THE driest spell in my blogging. Just nooo ideas whatsoever, plus, ironically, I'm so busy with Buddhist activities that on weekends I simply don't have the time to sit down and write stuff.
Then, today this wonderful comment appeared:
:) Please keep sharing your experiences :)
Thank you so much!
Best from Berlin, Bell
Thank you, Bell, you woke me up.
So this is my first post of 2013.
I want to start with an apology for my lack of new posts in the past few weeks. I have been rather busy and then down with a stinking flu (I'm not really fully recovered yet).
Most importantly, I would like to wish all my readers a wonderfully victorious 2013. This year has been defined "The Year of Victory for a Youthful SGI". We have this thing of naming every year with an inspirational motto. This, for me, means winning absolutely, winning over my limitations and challenge myself to keep up my youthful spirit even more.
I am so incredibly grateful to all the people who read my blog. Every pageview is enormously valued and every comment quite literally makes my day.
I started this blog almost a year ago to share my experiences and struggles and to do my "little slice of Kosen Rufu". If I managed to inspire just one person with the wonderful teachings I base my life on, then I feel accomplished as a writer.
Thank you all, so much.
I have many many determinations for the year to come. I want to see my district grow and to see the young women in my care flourish and win, and I want to be there to applaud their successes and their wonderful spirit as I hope I have so far.
I want to make the best of my Dedicated Lilac training, enjoy every activity and feel the wonderful team I'm part of become even stronger and more cohesive.
My biggest personal determination for the past year has been to find a partner for kosen rufu. I have been alone, after a difficult, abusive relationship for a long time, and I yearn to fall in love again and share my life with someone. I am still single, and I realised something very important. The most crucial part of my journey is to learn to truly love myself for what I am. I know it sounds cheesy and banal, what with all the self-help prattle we have poured upon us from every avenue of this ever changing, scarily connected and small, small world, but it is fundamentally true. I don't love myself that much, I don't even LIKE myself that much, and from now on my efforts are going to be focussed on being exactly the kind of person I can, and want to be, the kind of person I can like, love and respect, rather than obsessing over what other people think of me and quite literally allow my self esteem to depend upon other people's life state.
Please stay tuned for the biggest human revolution you have ever seen!
Nam Myoho Renge Kyo.
